A Short Guide to Self-Esteem
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It's based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can sometimes feel difficult to change. We might also think of this as self-confidence. Whilst low self-esteem is not a mental health condition, it can be closely linked to our overall mental health and wellbeing. There are different things we can practice that can make a big difference to how we feel about ourselves.
Your self-esteem can affect whether you:
Like and value yourself as a person
Can make decisions and assert yourself
Recognise your strengths
Feel able to try new or difficult things
Show kindness towards yourself
Move past mistakes without blaming yourself unfairly
Take the time you need for yourself
Believe you matter and are good enough
Believe you deserve happiness
What can cause low self-esteem?
The things that affect our self-esteem are different for everyone. Your self-esteem might change suddenly. Or you might have had low self-esteem for a while. There are lots of things in life that may contribute to low self-esteem.
For example:
Being bullied or abused
Experiencing prejudice, discrimination or stigma, including racism
Losing your job or difficulty finding employment
Problems at work or while studying
Physical health problems
Mental health problems
Relationship problems, separation or divorce
Problems with money or housing
Worries about your appearance and body image
Feeling pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, for example through social media
“I thought self-hatred was normal. Everyone wakes up every day and looks in the mirror and thinks ‘yeah, I hate that bit about me’, right?”
Why is self-esteem important for our overall wellbeing?
We invited our team to share their perspectives, and here’s what they had to say:
Esther — “Self-esteem is important for our overall wellbeing because, to me, it represents the recognition that we are good enough, as we are. We all have things that we would like to work on, or improve, but having an internal feeling of value helps us to know that we don’t have to seek validation or approval outside of ourselves, just to feel that we are worthy. It is not about being overly confident or arrogant but about accepting ourselves wholly, and trusting in ourselves to be the person that we need.”
Paula — “Self-esteem is important because we begin to recognise our own value. We then become less concerned about how others may view us.”
Becky — “I believe self-esteem is important for our wellbeing, as when we see ourselves worthy of care, we are more likely to make choices that support our physical and mental health, set boundaries, ask for help when we feel we need it, and prioritise self-care. All of these things everyone is worthy of; it's important to see that worth in ourselves.”
Olivia — “Self-esteem is important to our wellbeing because when we feel good about who we are, it’s easier to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would show a friend.”
Becci — “Self-esteem is important as it allows us to express and understand our own needs, build healthy boundaries and relationships, bounce back from setbacks, and reach goals with confidence.”
If you struggle with low self-esteem, it might feel as if making changes will be difficult. But there are things that you can try. Remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with. Here are some tips and ideas to try:
Be kind to yourself
Get to know yourself. For example, you could think about what makes you happy and what you value in life. You might find it helpful to write this in a journal.
Try to challenge unkind thoughts about yourself. You might automatically put yourself down. If you find yourself doing this, it can help to ask: "Would I talk to a friend in this way?"
Say positive things to yourself. Some people like to do this in front of a mirror. It can feel strange at first, but you may feel more comfortable the more you do it.
Practise saying no. Being assertive can be difficult if you're not used to it. But taking on too many things to please others can be draining. It could help to pause, take a breath, and think about how you feel before agreeing to do something you don't want to.
Try to avoid comparing yourself to others. For example, it might help to limit how much time you spend on social media or online communities. What other people often choose to share about their lives isn't always the full picture.
Do something nice for yourself. For example, making your favourite meal or playing a game you enjoy.
Look after yourself
Try to get enough sleep. Getting too little or too much sleep can have a negative impact on how you feel.
Think about your diet. Eating regularly and keeping your blood sugar stable can make a difference to your mood and energy levels.
Try to do some physical activity. Being active can help your mental wellbeing. This may include helping to improve your self-esteem.
Spend time outside. Being in green space can often help how you feel.
Practise mindfulness and meditation.
Set yourself a challenge
Try volunteering. You might decide to volunteer your time for something you feel passionate about.
Learn something new. For example, this could be trying a new hobby or creative activity. Or taking time to read a book about a new subject.
Set small goals. This could help things feel more manageable and give you a greater sense of achievement.
Try to recognise positives
Celebrate your successes. No matter how small they may seem, take time to praise yourself. For example, this could be getting outside for a walk or doing some tidying.
Accept compliments. You could save them up to look over when you're feeling low or doubting yourself.
Ask people what they like about you, if you feel comfortable. They may recognise things that you don't think about yourself.
Write a list of things you like about yourself. For example, this could be a skill that you've learnt, or something you do to help other people.
Build a support network
Talk to someone you trust. Having someone listen to you and show they care can help. If you aren't able to open up to someone close to you, you could call a helpline to speak to someone anonymously. For example, you could call Samaritans on 116 123.
Focus on positive relationships. It might feel difficult to control who you spend time with. But where possible, it can help to spend more time with people who make you feel good about yourself.
Try peer support. Making connections with people who have similar or shared experiences can help.